Wrap your Head Around Some Roadkill Banter

One of my favorite things in the world is banter. Banter between men and women. that serves no purpose, because no point is really ever proven.  The different perspectives and opposing, unheard-of arguments can be down-right hilarious. And though there may be some leeway in both directions, a bit of compromise if you will, there definitely is no unanimous 'correct' answer or agreement. (I wonder what side most gay people take - still half and half?) And like a thirsty vampire looking for its next drop of blood, I search for such enraging topics that will segregate us from one another, forcing us to figure out a way to WIN. Win and rub it in for always. (but that's a topic for another blog)

I heard a radio show clip the other day, talking about the push and pull game we all play in relationships. Also known as cat and mouse, we chase one another in a means to impress or woo or prove our worthiness to the other person. The way the conversation was shaping up on this top-40-overplayed-crap-music radio station, was essentially re-iterrating the fact that men LIKE to chase women. The comparison made, was that men are hunters by nature - and they want to go out and hunt. That the chase pleasurable for them and they enjoy it. 

The dude was re-emphasizing the testosterone-driven-accomplishment that men feel for achieving the seldom-possible task of winning the girl over.  His female counterpart on the opposing microphone was trying to make sense of the fact that women shouldn't be 'easy to get', shouldn't make themselves readily available, but instead continue making dudes 'work for it'. The man goes on to say that no hunter, when going out with his shotgun, looking for that juicy piece of meat, would stop on the side of the road to take home the roadkill, because the roadkill was too easy to come by, and the roadkill held no challenge.

REWIND.... 'wait, did they just compare women, and aquiring women to roadkill?' I asked the boy who's hand I was holding at the time. 'Yup...yup they did' he says simply.

Take a breathe.

Let that all sink in. 

And once you've wrapped your heard around it,  you can push this joke to an EVEN MORE disrespectfully-uncomfortable spot,and start comparing picking up girls to clubbing seals... 'you just hit em on the head and drag em home, that's why dudes like chicks with long hair' (said people that will remain nameless) WELL, that steps over the line. And we as equals playing a game of flattery and intrigue and seduction can banter no more. Because really, what is there to say to counter-act that? Beyond the point of no return. Wow. 

One point mens team for the WIN. Hand-holding........off.

Let's Introduce Me (Pt. Two)

(theme song for this blog. The first half of lyrics are fun, but the whole song is good so...)

This is a little preview for any future boys that are attempting to woo e. I shall save you some of the interrogation (although,let's face it, that is my favorite par, because I get to talk about one of my favorite things [me])

I have a lot of rules. I can't write these down because most of them I make up as I go along. But I am attracted mainly to rockstars and assholes, so just pretend like you're one of those, and we'll get along great.

I'm 'AGAINST' a lot of things. Here is 1/2 of them:
-doctors (they've never told me anything useful)
-line-ups / waiting, for anything really (especially doctors... and rockshows)
-the lottery (people get their hopes up, and then BOOM some made-up person wins, HEARTBREAK)
-gyms (there's better ways to be active/healthy - and they cost less... get outdoors!)
-drugs (I like the natural or alcohol induced high. Besides, drugs make people die)
-sports where the outcome is pre-determined (aka, all sports)
-last names (I'm friendly enough to be on a first name, last initial basis)
-birthdays (treat every day as if it's your birthday - you should feel special always, not just once a year)
-horoscopes / stars (prove me wrong if you want, but mine doesn't match me)

Oh, and ANYTHING I do, is for 3 main reasons:
1. for my amusement
2. for shock value
3. to get a reaction out of you

The most pro-found part of this blog, and my favorite quote from me:
Life is like a boxing match, I like to throw out jabs and see how people recover. You get bonus points if you fight back, cuz a lazy opponent is one that's not worth my time.

Life Logistics / Get Distracted... Living!

(theme song for this blog. Dance a little bit, while washing your floor!)

You know those times in LIFE when you get super distracted doing stuff... like LIVING? (sub-rant: like a fuken oxymoron over here. LIFE is FOR LIVING, that SHOULD NOT be considered a DISTRACTION!! damn society and it's stupid rules and expectations and judgements)

So, you're LIVING: you go out, and you party, and you have a good time... and you don't come home for 3 days. And then you wake up one morning hungover realizing that all the food in your fridge is expired; you're out of clean clothes to wear, dust has settled everywhere in your place, and you cat has died of starvation in his overflowing litter box.

And so you're like: 'shit, why does life have all this logistical stuff that has to be done?'  I mean, who came up with this? Showering AND washing your hair AND shaving your legs. Cooking AND eating AND doing dishes! Sleeping AND getting up! Geez!

Yeah, today was a logistical day. My legs are smooth though.

Let's Introduce Ourselves (Pt. One)

(still thinking of a theme song for this one)

The introduction of ones-self to another person, can be considered a fundamental part of life. Whether it be pleasantries with your grocery store cashier, co-workers in a new work environment, a friend of a friend, or that 'one' you've been searching for on the internet, you naturally want to make a good first impression.
Meaning... you don't want to be your TRUE self - shit, that would scare anyone off!
But if you choose to do the lying or deception thing - well, that only lasts for so long... Eventually, they're going to find out you're an asshole, so save everyone the trouble and don't lead them on with the idea that you are someone you are not.
That's the life lesson of the day, thanks for coming out!

When meeting a new person, there's a getting-to-know each other formality. You assess the other person, by their demeanor or their speech. OR in my case, you push and push to see when you've stepped over the line, and evaluate their reaction. Then, lesson leaned, line drawn.
Dating is that stupid exception that makes everything go in fast-forward. Even the talking and walking speeds up a little bit more cuz you are so eager to hold each others hand or get in each others pants (whatever your preference is, chances are you're not getting both). And EVERY TIME when you're halfway through date two life seems like an high pressure interview or interrogation. AND THAT'S WHY PEOPLE PUT OUT DATE TWO boys and girls. They just want to stop talking and start moaning already.