In.Bed.By.9.

I've always wanted to live the life of a rockstar. Travel the world. Drink lots. Go on crazy adventures with fun people. Maybe break the law a little bit. 

For a while, I had my own rockstar-type adventures: Drove all night to a far off towns for a rock show. Slept in the car. Had no money. Flirted my way into places. Or just broke in. Only worked contract jobs when I had to. I knew people. I crowd surfed every week. I belted out lyrics until my voice was gone. I smashed cars for fun. Then danced on their rooftops. It was a hell of a time. 

But somewhere along the line I fell into the corporate trap. That deep well you fall into. When you're up and dressed by 7 am. And working 12hour days to help the man get rich, a handfull of times each week. The wearing of the collared shirts, and lack of a half sleeve tattoo on my arm, makes me feel like 'hey, I've made it this far through life playing according to society's rules, should I really stop now?' 

But the conversations I have with people still living their life according to their rockstar dreams, makes me think that, yes, maybe things could be different. Maybe I could stay up all night. And fall asleep to the lights of the sunrise. Maybe I could rock out on empty streets. When the drunken debauchery disappears. And the world sleeps. The outdoor sex possibilities. And the blood pumping adrenaline from knowing that you do what you want. And no one is around to judge you. Or stop you. Or say discouraging things. It all makes the void in my life very present. , 

Could rockstar living be the better alternative to a life full of schedules and meetings? Should I dive further into corporate culture and become one of those people? Those who have their lives so together that they want to wake up at 4am. To go for a run. And eat breakfast. And play guitar, before going to their 8am jobs? Should I be in bed by dusk without leading any type of social existence? Besides an early dinner. With a class of wine. No dessert? 

Shit,  if I didn't love sleep. And naps. And laying down daydreaming with my eyes closed so much, I'd consider eliminating sleep all together. I'd be happy just be awake living life always. And not just a portion of each day... But those times when you're in bed with someone you care about, sharing silence... those are moments that shouldn't be taken for granted, or taken away. Meaning, our days are already filled with too many to-do's, and sleep is awesome. 

What's my point? I guess I'm trying to make that life-altering decision as to what I want in the near future. Do I want to party like a rockstar? And live it up? Causing chaos before I run out of time? Will I leave corporate bullshit? Or will I decide to pay by the rules of vacation days that are scheduled in advance? Of punching in and punching out. And getting shitty healthcare as an added bonus? Will I one day just snap. And get on my motorcycle. And ride into the sunset towards Guatemala, with no plans to ever return? Will I stress out trying to find a part time gig that will in tern takes away all my free time? 

I want to blog., And I want to get my frustrations out. And I want to rock out and stay out late! But my eyes grow droopy when those covers hit my legs. I can't stay awake. I'm in bed by 9. 

Hey - I'm a Romantic!

The definition of romantic, according to AnnaB! is simply that... of holding hands. Sweet, and easy. But hold hands the proper way boys and girls: palms together, fingers intertwined. None of this mitten-type hand holding when your fingers touch each other instead of your beau's. Any time two people hold hands, it SHOULD be considered romantic. 

I brought this up at a New Years Party to some random people I didn't know, and stirred up a bit of a rucckas. One girl thought my theory was bullshit because when she tried to hold her boys hand, it would last 30 seconds and then he'd pull away. Naturally, I'd wanted to give the girl the 'he's just not that into you' speech, but what do I know?... so I went on to explain: 'It's not the length that matters, it's the technique (I know... - as if we all haven't heard that one before *rolls eyes*)  and when she demonstrated how they held hands, it WAS in fact, ROMANTIC. 

So, you ask, 'if I'm giving it to her from behind, but holding her hand like that...' -yup,  it's romantic. 

'And if I finish and it goes up her nose...?'  -yup, still romantic. 

'And if I have my hands clasped like that over the back of  her head when I'm...',  WHOA, if your're holding your own hand romantically, that may count as only romantic to you. Let's not get the two confused. Everyone got it?

Alright: time to go through the motions: 

AnnaB Gives Bullshit Relationship Advice, A Topic She Know Nothing About

Step One: Getting Her Attention

How should you go about getting out of the friend zone with that pretty, shy, girl next door? Simple! Hold her hand. A girl usually reacts one of two ways: 1. she' s thrown off by it and pulls away (in which case boys, give up while you can, you're perma-friend-zone'd) or 2. she could be thrown off by it but allow it to continue, in which case, if you strategize how to get her bra off with the other hand, you'll be golden! *sidenote* Girls with attitude will test you when you go for their hand 'umm why are you holding my hand?' is a pretty straight-forwardly-common question. This does NOT MEAN 'stop holding my hand', it's just a test to see how you answer. The best way is the truth:  Tell them that is your BEST MOVE... OR tell them AnnaB told you to do it (I need more hits on this blog)

 

Step Two: Woo'ing Her

You got a date? Congratulations! Taking her to a Movie? How original! Need to make a move? Simple! Hold her hand. One of the best places to hold hands is at the movies. No one looks at you as if you're cheesy, cuz it's dark. You get to play with each others fingers and draw hearts in each others palms. But you're nervous about just reaching over? Wait until she grabs some popcorn, then meet her hand inside the bucket. Holding hands in popcorn is uber romantic. Your fingers intertwined in that buttery goodness, all slimey making your heart skip a beat! 

AND THEN, if you're really romantic - you could lick each others butter glistened fingers. Not in the sloppy 'I'm eating chicken wings' kinda way, but more like the way they do in porn, you know? Hold the  persons hand with both your own, choosing that one finger, then looking them romantically in the eyes and licking it super slow... and them swallowing hard? AND, once you're finished licking them, you could go back to hand holding. :)

I've been pretty adamant about this hand holding business the last month or so, and I stick by it. And when I think back, all the boys I tend to like...

 yup,.. they've held my hand.

Wrap your Head Around Some Roadkill Banter

One of my favorite things in the world is banter. Banter between men and women. that serves no purpose, because no point is really ever proven.  The different perspectives and opposing, unheard-of arguments can be down-right hilarious. And though there may be some leeway in both directions, a bit of compromise if you will, there definitely is no unanimous 'correct' answer or agreement. (I wonder what side most gay people take - still half and half?) And like a thirsty vampire looking for its next drop of blood, I search for such enraging topics that will segregate us from one another, forcing us to figure out a way to WIN. Win and rub it in for always. (but that's a topic for another blog)

I heard a radio show clip the other day, talking about the push and pull game we all play in relationships. Also known as cat and mouse, we chase one another in a means to impress or woo or prove our worthiness to the other person. The way the conversation was shaping up on this top-40-overplayed-crap-music radio station, was essentially re-iterrating the fact that men LIKE to chase women. The comparison made, was that men are hunters by nature - and they want to go out and hunt. That the chase pleasurable for them and they enjoy it. 

The dude was re-emphasizing the testosterone-driven-accomplishment that men feel for achieving the seldom-possible task of winning the girl over.  His female counterpart on the opposing microphone was trying to make sense of the fact that women shouldn't be 'easy to get', shouldn't make themselves readily available, but instead continue making dudes 'work for it'. The man goes on to say that no hunter, when going out with his shotgun, looking for that juicy piece of meat, would stop on the side of the road to take home the roadkill, because the roadkill was too easy to come by, and the roadkill held no challenge.

REWIND.... 'wait, did they just compare women, and aquiring women to roadkill?' I asked the boy who's hand I was holding at the time. 'Yup...yup they did' he says simply.

Take a breathe.

Let that all sink in. 

And once you've wrapped your heard around it,  you can push this joke to an EVEN MORE disrespectfully-uncomfortable spot,and start comparing picking up girls to clubbing seals... 'you just hit em on the head and drag em home, that's why dudes like chicks with long hair' (said people that will remain nameless) WELL, that steps over the line. And we as equals playing a game of flattery and intrigue and seduction can banter no more. Because really, what is there to say to counter-act that? Beyond the point of no return. Wow. 

One point mens team for the WIN. Hand-holding........off.

Let's Introduce Me (Pt. Two)

(theme song for this blog. The first half of lyrics are fun, but the whole song is good so...)

This is a little preview for any future boys that are attempting to woo e. I shall save you some of the interrogation (although,let's face it, that is my favorite par, because I get to talk about one of my favorite things [me])

I have a lot of rules. I can't write these down because most of them I make up as I go along. But I am attracted mainly to rockstars and assholes, so just pretend like you're one of those, and we'll get along great.

I'm 'AGAINST' a lot of things. Here is 1/2 of them:
-doctors (they've never told me anything useful)
-line-ups / waiting, for anything really (especially doctors... and rockshows)
-the lottery (people get their hopes up, and then BOOM some made-up person wins, HEARTBREAK)
-gyms (there's better ways to be active/healthy - and they cost less... get outdoors!)
-drugs (I like the natural or alcohol induced high. Besides, drugs make people die)
-sports where the outcome is pre-determined (aka, all sports)
-last names (I'm friendly enough to be on a first name, last initial basis)
-birthdays (treat every day as if it's your birthday - you should feel special always, not just once a year)
-horoscopes / stars (prove me wrong if you want, but mine doesn't match me)

Oh, and ANYTHING I do, is for 3 main reasons:
1. for my amusement
2. for shock value
3. to get a reaction out of you

The most pro-found part of this blog, and my favorite quote from me:
Life is like a boxing match, I like to throw out jabs and see how people recover. You get bonus points if you fight back, cuz a lazy opponent is one that's not worth my time.

Life Logistics / Get Distracted... Living!

(theme song for this blog. Dance a little bit, while washing your floor!)

You know those times in LIFE when you get super distracted doing stuff... like LIVING? (sub-rant: like a fuken oxymoron over here. LIFE is FOR LIVING, that SHOULD NOT be considered a DISTRACTION!! damn society and it's stupid rules and expectations and judgements)

So, you're LIVING: you go out, and you party, and you have a good time... and you don't come home for 3 days. And then you wake up one morning hungover realizing that all the food in your fridge is expired; you're out of clean clothes to wear, dust has settled everywhere in your place, and you cat has died of starvation in his overflowing litter box.

And so you're like: 'shit, why does life have all this logistical stuff that has to be done?'  I mean, who came up with this? Showering AND washing your hair AND shaving your legs. Cooking AND eating AND doing dishes! Sleeping AND getting up! Geez!

Yeah, today was a logistical day. My legs are smooth though.

Let's Introduce Ourselves (Pt. One)

(still thinking of a theme song for this one)

The introduction of ones-self to another person, can be considered a fundamental part of life. Whether it be pleasantries with your grocery store cashier, co-workers in a new work environment, a friend of a friend, or that 'one' you've been searching for on the internet, you naturally want to make a good first impression.
Meaning... you don't want to be your TRUE self - shit, that would scare anyone off!
But if you choose to do the lying or deception thing - well, that only lasts for so long... Eventually, they're going to find out you're an asshole, so save everyone the trouble and don't lead them on with the idea that you are someone you are not.
That's the life lesson of the day, thanks for coming out!

When meeting a new person, there's a getting-to-know each other formality. You assess the other person, by their demeanor or their speech. OR in my case, you push and push to see when you've stepped over the line, and evaluate their reaction. Then, lesson leaned, line drawn.
Dating is that stupid exception that makes everything go in fast-forward. Even the talking and walking speeds up a little bit more cuz you are so eager to hold each others hand or get in each others pants (whatever your preference is, chances are you're not getting both). And EVERY TIME when you're halfway through date two life seems like an high pressure interview or interrogation. AND THAT'S WHY PEOPLE PUT OUT DATE TWO boys and girls. They just want to stop talking and start moaning already.