For a while, I had my own rockstar-type adventures: Drove all night to a far off towns for a rock show. Slept in the car. Had no money. Flirted my way into places. Or just broke in. Only worked contract jobs when I had to. I knew people. I crowd surfed every week. I belted out lyrics until my voice was gone. I smashed cars for fun. Then danced on their rooftops. It was a hell of a time.
But somewhere along the line I fell into the corporate trap. That deep well you fall into. When you're up and dressed by 7 am. And working 12hour days to help the man get rich, a handfull of times each week. The wearing of the collared shirts, and lack of a half sleeve tattoo on my arm, makes me feel like 'hey, I've made it this far through life playing according to society's rules, should I really stop now?'
But the conversations I have with people still living their life according to their rockstar dreams, makes me think that, yes, maybe things could be different. Maybe I could stay up all night. And fall asleep to the lights of the sunrise. Maybe I could rock out on empty streets. When the drunken debauchery disappears. And the world sleeps. The outdoor sex possibilities. And the blood pumping adrenaline from knowing that you do what you want. And no one is around to judge you. Or stop you. Or say discouraging things. It all makes the void in my life very present. ,
Could rockstar living be the better alternative to a life full of schedules and meetings? Should I dive further into corporate culture and become one of those people? Those who have their lives so together that they want to wake up at 4am. To go for a run. And eat breakfast. And play guitar, before going to their 8am jobs? Should I be in bed by dusk without leading any type of social existence? Besides an early dinner. With a class of wine. No dessert?
Shit, if I didn't love sleep. And naps. And laying down daydreaming with my eyes closed so much, I'd consider eliminating sleep all together. I'd be happy just be awake living life always. And not just a portion of each day... But those times when you're in bed with someone you care about, sharing silence... those are moments that shouldn't be taken for granted, or taken away. Meaning, our days are already filled with too many to-do's, and sleep is awesome.
What's my point? I guess I'm trying to make that life-altering decision as to what I want in the near future. Do I want to party like a rockstar? And live it up? Causing chaos before I run out of time? Will I leave corporate bullshit? Or will I decide to pay by the rules of vacation days that are scheduled in advance? Of punching in and punching out. And getting shitty healthcare as an added bonus? Will I one day just snap. And get on my motorcycle. And ride into the sunset towards Guatemala, with no plans to ever return? Will I stress out trying to find a part time gig that will in tern takes away all my free time?
I want to blog., And I want to get my frustrations out. And I want to rock out and stay out late! But my eyes grow droopy when those covers hit my legs. I can't stay awake. I'm in bed by 9.
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