I've Seen Your Penis!!!

The prologue:
So, a few years ago, I met a boy through my work that I was very infatuated with. Salt n Pepper hair, a few years older than me, gorgeous, Irish. We flirted a little bit, then I asked him out. We met for a quick drink- and I even surprised him by paying the bill (I found that guys hate it when you do that - especially at the beginning). However, when we were texting and talking on the phone leading up to the 2nd date, he kept saying "buddy", and I got confused. I asked my girlfriends if this was a normal thing, but they just shrugged it off.

So, drinks round two. We're laughing and flirting and he's got his hand on my thigh or whatever, and there it is... "buddy". So I got into one of my little tangents (which is me basically freaking out and yelling at someone - I do it fairly often. Eventually, you get used to it, cuz you realize it's just how I try to prove my point). It went something like "So... I'm fuken confused, are you attracted to me or not?" and naturally, he was taken back (probably physically leaned back as well in a "where the fuk did that come from" kinda way) and stammered, "ugh, I am... why?" BUDDY, BUDDY! BUD! WHO SAYS THAT? (that last part I said in a whisper - not at all). Spoiler alert: there was no date 3.

The rant:
Which brings me to current life. "Present day" if you will. I'm on the phone with one of the most genuine people I know, a really good friend of mine. And as per usual, I'm venting about this and that and walking down the street just screaming into the phone (I swear, he probably turns it down a couple notches when talking to me) and it's as if I could hear him roll his eyes at the point I was making (whatever it was) "Sure, bud" he says. BUD? BUD? AS IN BUDDY? "Ugh, yeah" he sounds confused. YOU CAN'T SAY THAT! "Okay, pal" is the response - and one that I saw coming, by the way. YOU CAN'T SAY THAT! I'm sticking by this point! He is still confused as to why... and so my "lady like demeanor" goes out the window...

BECAUSE I'VE SEEN YOUR PENIS!!!

And that is the life lesson here boys (cuz I believe ALL the girls will be on my side for this one). IF you are ever with a girl, and you want her to... eventually SEE YOUR PENIS you will NOT use the words: buddy... pal... slugger... champ... you can probably use "dude" and "mate" but I'd do so rarely.

If you are with a girl and she has seen your penis in the past - you are not "buds", you can be friends, sure. but realistically, one or both of you are still hung up on the other/eachother, so no, you cannot use those terms. Honestly guys, if she's seen your penis once, there's always a chance of her seeing it again. Small chance sure (think dumb and dumber here - "so you're saying there's a chance) but it's there. And you can call me out on the "friends zone" bullshit all day long, but one way to guarantee it's never gonna happen again is by calling her BUDDY.