Why Don't You Just Settle Down?

I read something the other day captioned "Don't Settle, Do What's Right For You". Without even realizing it, those word got to me. Hours later, I was thinking about this word: SETTLE. Let's discuss.

Ever since the early stages of life, this word has had a negative connotation. "Settle Down". "Calm Down". Seriously! If it wasn't for your parents, it was your teachers. And what did they really mean? It wasn't encouragement for you to continue what you were doing. Singling, dancing, socializing with your friends, having fun! It was a demand! At conforming! Sit down. Shut up. Listen up. "I am 'the man', and you will obey me".

Fastforward to teenage and adult life. You start dating, you always go after the jerks, you want to belong, but you get treated like shit. And the advice you get? "He wasn't good enough for you! Don't settle for that!" I'd like to believe that's the reason I've mainly been single. That no ones managed to impress me enough to give them a chance. But that's probably not it. Do I settle? Maybe,

But now, haha, welcome to your 30's! And the questions crushing your spirits: "Why haven't you settled down yet?". "You should get a career, and settle down". I just want to yell at these people. Because I'm a rebel and I do what I want! I won't do it. I won't have a house and 2.5 kids - 'because that's what a well behaved girl my age should do'. I'm gonna wait, for that head over heels love to find me instead of settling for mediocrity. And how 'bout I continue living my life in the mean time? If that means singing, dancing, traveling, and being naked while I do it, then cheers!

So when you talk so fondly of having "settled down" please excuse me that I don't have those warm gushy feelings exploding from me. It's never been a positive before!

I Just Want You To Love Me

Relationships.
What a complicated concept! (I truly think this, but really wish they were simple). Can two people actually want the exact same things? Isn't one person always going to fall harder than the other? Is there a way to just be happy without the addition of jealousy or insecurity or resentment?

I recently read a book in which the author talked about the "perfect relationship". She describes the actions and emotions you go through when you first start dating someone. When you are "pretending to be the person your partner wants you to be". Let's stop there for a second and think about this. It is true. At the beginning, you are pretending to be the person they want you to be.

When I like someone, I fall into the category of being the "cool girl". I never get jealous, I encourage him to spend time with his friends, and I support his passions and part-take in his hobbies. But maybe these actions aren't how I truly want to act (I want him to spend more time with me, to only have eyes for me, to PROVE how much he likes me in return).

The guys do it too. All the little things to "woo" you: the gestures, surprise kisses, walks holding hands, and fun date nights. (When really, his buddy's are at a game he could be at, he'd never normally skip the gym, and would much rather be eating chips and watching an action movie). Are we all just acting?

The author talks about the times when things start going wrong (end of the honeymoon period) that's when you finally start acting like yourself. But (MIND BLOWN) the other person doesn't really know the real you, and maybe they don't necessarily LIKE who YOU are. They want the  person you were pretending to be; that's the person they "fell for".

Well shit, I think this is spot on! I totally think this is the way it works! And you know what, it sucks. It sucks that this is the way things are. That you get people to fall for a lie, and then by proxy have to keep that lie up order to keep that person around. Maybe that person IS better. The non-jealous, non-dramatic, encouraging, selfless you.

So now I wanna ask all my friends in happy relationships to give me their two cents. Please tell me that there is a happily ever after that includes less pretending and more accepting (and keep in mind that accepting and conforming/settling are two different things)